I just got this question from a reader:
Hey Bobby,
My biggest frustration is running out of things to say during a conversartion with a girl, specially when I feel that she wants to talk to me. I have an opportunity for a good kiss close and suddenly I don’t have it any more….that really sucks. It seems that once the conversation hits that awkward silence she is no longer interested in me. Do you have any tips.
Thanks,
Jose
Ah… my biggest fear.
For me, I was more afraid of the awkwardness of having nothing left to say- than I ever was of rejection. In fact, if a woman openly rejected me- I could take it. What I couldn’t take was standing there not knowing if I should keep talking to her, or give up. I hated thinking the woman was just being polite and really wished I would leave.
But here is thing…
The easiest way to completely eliminate awkwardness is to acknowledge it in a humorous way.
By calling out the “elephant in the room” and saying what you’re both thinking… it demonstrates that you are socially intelligent. And social intelligence is EXTREMELY attractive to a woman.
It’s sort of like if you’ve ever had a girl turn her cheek when you went for the kiss. The worse thing to do is pretend it didn’t happen. Because the both of you know you tried to kiss her- so you’re not fooling anyone by acting “cool” about it.
Just say (in a mocking ‘announcer type’ voice) “And she slips him the cheek”. This sort of humorous response will put you both back at ease.
Women fear awkwardness even more than men do… so by showing a woman you have enough social intelligence not to let things get awkward… you become a lot more attractive in her eyes.
You might also want to listen to Conversation Escalation: Make Small Talk Sexy. In this program we specifically tackle how to keep a conversation going.. so that you never have to face these moments.
We also walk you through the escalation from small talk to sexual talk. This way, next time your close to the point where you’re about to kiss a girl.. you’ll know exactly what your next move is. And exactly how to counter any of her objections, so that you can get the kiss.
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
Great tip Bobby!
I’ve always feared uncomfortable silence more than anything… The stuff I’ve learned from you is really helping me. Would love to hear you suggestion for “frame control” with women.
If I ever sense a silence coming (you kinda get the ‘feel’ for it eventually), I just let my mouth run, and usually say the first thing that comes to mind.
Now I’m not saying everyone should do this, cos sometimes I come out with some random-ass stuff. But, if you’ve got decent inner-game then you can kinda just trust your subconscious mind to come up with something, and it’ll come out just fine.
Similar to a jazz musician going off on an improvisational run. Just turn of your critical factor and let it flow.
very good information you write it very clean. I’m very lucky to get
this info from you.
Great site. A lot of useful information here. I’m sending it to some friends!
Awkward silences happen too much for me. I never run out of things to say to my brother or little cousin but to other people like women, I always run out. DO you know any ways to keep topics jumping into my mind like when Im talking to my little brother?
David,
Sounds like your focus is all wrong. You’re using the conversation as a tool to get kissed, and the ladies in question will be able to sense your anxiety. But if you focus on the pleasure conversation for its own sake, that anxiety will be not be present. Instead, you’ll come over as confident, self-assured and, so the experts assure us, more likely to get kissed.
Conversation is not just one skill, it’s a set of different skills, and some people just pick them up as they grow up, but others of us are deficient in some areas, for a variety of reasons. It’s rare to be completely hopeless at every one of the skills, so the good news is that what gets presented on the Internet as a massive learning curve can in fact mean only a few tweaks. That, in fact, was Bobby Rio’s story, if you’ve checked out his video — his problem was conversation topics. From what you’ve written above, your challenge is keeping a conversation going. I’ll post you a few hints, but meantime, check out this article that quickly summarizes the core conversation skills, and give yourself a score out of ten for each. Odds are, Bobby’s got a cure for your less-than-6 skills. (And yes, I wrote the article, but it’s too long to duplicate here. It’s on an article website, so open it in a new tab: http://ezinearticles.com/?Conversation-Tips—Conversation-Skills-in-a-Nutshell&id=4453329)
Okay, David, here are those tips I promised you to avoid awkward silences:
1) I hate the cliche ‘drawing attention to the elephant in the room’, but I can’t think of a better way to put it. What you do is just say something like ‘Oh, no!!! an awkward silence!’ Then inject a tiny bit of humour, like ‘Did we just doze off?”
2) Completely change the subject. Awkward silences follow when you instinctively know you’ve exhausted the subject matter of whatever you were talking about. A great conversationalist always has something up his or her sleeve to transition into. There are lots of ways to do this, but a great one is to say something like ‘I know it’s nothing to do with what we were talking about, but have you ever…’ and roll out whatever subject it is you feel confident covering. A good one is ‘been on TV or radio or in any of the media?’ most people have, even if it was as a member of an audience or crowd, but the trick here is the word ‘media’. If the answer is yes, then you can explore that. If the answer is no, you can ask ‘really, what about facebook?’
It’s a great excuse to at least friends each other.
When silences occur, the energy levels of the conversation drop. You can instantly raise them back up with a ‘Hey, guess what?’ or ‘Hey, you know something?’ followed by something unusual, or fun, or exciting. A friend of mine does this all the time, usually to introduce some juicy gossip, but there’s no reason why you can’t use it to, say, introduce some fascinating fact about yourself — ‘Hey, guess what? Next year I plan to climb that volcano in Iceland’, or ‘Hey, you know something, my hobby is xyz. Have you ever had a go at doing that? What’s your hobby?’
Going back to the original point, this kind of conversation is a tool to screen or qualify the person you’re talking to. Whether looking to make friends or attract a potential romantic partner, the conversation isn’t just about you selling yourself to them–you need to make sure they are right for you, too. Would you buy shoes three sizes too small?
A conversation which is not all fireworks may be exactly what both of you need, if you’re both a little shy. But if it all feels awkward, the best thing to do is listen to those silences, because they have a very loud message for you, and that message is to move on to and talk to someone else. Eventually, you’ll strike up a chat and any silences will be anything but awkward.
I dont get the part where you say the elephant thing or “and saying what you’re both thinking… it demonstrates that you are socially intelligent” i dont get it!?
You’re comfortable enough with yourself to say what’s on your mind…which relieves the awkwardness of you and her and both thinking somehting and noone saying it….